• Pierre McGuire. I went back on my TSN boycott when I realised that they had sole broadcasting rights for the WJC. But lately I’ve been watching the games on mute because of how profoundly irritating of a colour guy McGuire is. I respect him as a hockey guy, and I do agree with a lot of his views (visors, for one), but good God, Pierre, I want to hear less of you while the game’s happening. You can tell me what Kyle Turris’ favourite cereal is and if he puts the right or left pant leg on first AFTER THE PLAY.
• Best quote: “They gotta start calling diving on these guys, they’re going down faster than free beer at a frat party.” (On the Russians in the 2005 WJC finals.)

• Nick Kypreos. If evil had a face. I don’t understand Kypreos’ hate-on for the Canucks, but his entire broadcasting career on Sportsnet has been based on his hatred for them. And the Habs. And the Sens. And basically any team that’s not the Leafs. Kypreos’ formula is to make a ridiculous, completely out-of-the-water claim and then back it up by shouting loudly and possibly insulting someone. I don’t see any evidence of his hockey knowledge. I do, however, see evidence of his other panelists hating him. Which is kind of cool.Best quote: None. Shut the fuck up.

• John Garrett. I’m torn about Garrett. Mostly, I think of him as a puppy: stupidly loyal. It gets irritating to watch him fuck up Jimmy’s broadcasts, but funny because sometimes you have to wonder if Jimmy needs to drink to get through that evening. He’s profoundly loyal to the Canucks—still plays on their alumni team, for example—and is a prime example of a guy who still works within the organization after retirement. I just wish he weren’t so stupid and such a ridiculous homer.And what’s up with the Safeway plugs?

  Best quote: “That stuff goes really well with vodka, Jim.”

• Tom Larscheid. Yet another guy I suspect is drunk for broadcasts. Larscheid has been the voice of the Canucks for the past 30 years, joining Robson in the booth in 1977. His background is undoubtedly football (played pro) so I don’t know how he even got into hockey, but there you go. But whatever it is, I think that Larscheid is hilarious. Sure, he’s possibly drunk and is likely borderline senile, but when he retires—at the end of this season?—he’s going to be irreplaceable. There’s no one who captures the excitement, relief and disappointment you feel every Canucks game better than Larscheid.Best quote: “GREAT HAND JOB BY SKUDRA! He really helped out Ohlund with that one!”

• John Shorthouse. I don’t have much to say about Shorthouse, just because he plays it so cool, but you can’t mention Larscheid without mentioning Shorty. He’s like a baby Jim Hughson: so cool, so professional, and a really good pbp guy. Most people hear him on the radio but I love watching the PPV simulcasts because he’s pretty much the only quality thing about it. I know there was some doubt about Shorty when he started, but I can say for sure that he’s stepped up quite nicely. Rock on.Best quote: Him and Larscheid winning the Canucks 50/50.

• Donny Taylor. I quite fondly remember him from his days back at the ‘Page-and man, those were good days. Taylor’s pretty much been the star of Vancouver’s sports casting scene, moving from the ‘Page to Sportsnet, co-hosting his own radio talk show and even doing pbp for the Canucks pre-season games.Don’t ever do the last one again, Donny.

  He’s great to watch on Sportsnet news, and he was fantastic to watch on Sportspage, but good God, Donny can’t decide if he wants to do play or colour, so he just does both. There’s pretty much no need for him to have a colour guy because the man will literally talk for 60 minutes straight, given the chance. That’s not a bad thing; he’s entertaining, but it gets old after a while. Still, he’s a font of hockey knowledge, and I think he’s worth taking a good look at to replace Larscheid after he retires.

  Best quote: “…the Anaheim Mighty Dykes.” [Giggles for the rest of the broadcast.]

• Kirk McLean. LOOSEN UP, KIRK. Maybe it’s the quality of the PPV broadcasts in general, but I can barely hear him when he talks. Also, he sits/stands so rigidly during broadcasts, it’s like he’s ready to run out at any given moment. I can’t say much for his on-air personality, because I’m asleep whenever he talks, but I’ve got to admit that Captain Kirk’s still got it going on.Best quote: Wouldn’t know, always asleep, but here’s another one from Tommy: “Kirk McLean is so fundamentally sound. Look at how erect he is in the net.”

• Greg Millen. He used to be on my TV, but I think Hughson probably took a stand.I miss his crazy ass.

  Best quote: “…NO BACKSWING SLAPSHOT!”

• Kelly Hrudey. Admittedly, I hated him for a while. And sometimes I still get the feeling that Hrudey just desperately wants to be liked. But after closely watching a couple segments of “Behind the Mask”, he won me over.Hrudey is always accused of being the following: pro-Vancouver, pro-Calgary and pro-Edmonton. I honestly don’t know what Hrudey’s team leanings are, since I’ve heard him variously praise and chastise each team over many segments. That’s probably a testament to Hrudey’s non-homerism. I just think that he’s a pretty insightful analyst, and I like how he breaks down plays. He and Oake also seem to have fairly nice chemistry (and I guess anything would be after watching the hostility on Grapes’ show).

  And possibly the best segment ever on CBC is “How I Padded My Stats Against Kelly Hrudey.”

  Best quote: None, because Hrudey actually isn’t funny.

• Jim Hughson. I saved him for last because I love Jim Hughson, and I wanted to end on a high note. In fact, my love for Jim Hughson knows no bounds or laws. The Second Law of Thermodynamics? Baby, it’s just heating up.Two reasons to love Jimmy is that he’s competent, and he’s professional (read: unbiased). The man appreciates good hockey. I’d go as far as to say that he’s probably the most unbiased commentator on CBC. If the Canucks are playing poorly, Jimmy will call it. If they’re playing well, Jimmy will call it. And if the other team is doing well, Jimmy will call it.

  One last thing about the man: his voice is made for the game. Sometimes I’ll be washing dishes or cleaning during a game, and I don’t need to hear his words to understand what’s going on with the play. The way he ups the intensity of the game and gets my heart racing just reminds me of the first season when I fell in love with hockey.

  Best quote: “He’s got a smile like poison come to dinner!” (On Jarkko Ruutu.)

Going back in style: The NHL reverts to the pre-lockout schedule.

PEBBLE BEACH, Calif. – The NHL finally voted to change the format for the schedule Thursday night, ending a year-long saga that featured much debate among owners.

And in the end they returned to the pre-lockout schedule, which features six games against each divisional opponent instead of the current eight and also guarantees at least one game every year against all the other conference teams. The vote easily got the necessary two thirds majority from owners to pass - the votes going 26 to 4.

The 82-game schedule next season will feature 24 divisional games, 40 against the rest of the conference and 18 versus the other conference – 15 against every single team in the other conference and three wild-card games. The three Western Canadian teams will play a home-and-home with the three Eastern Canadian teams for their wild-card games.

It’s believed Anaheim, Boston, New Jersey and the New York Islanders were the only votes against.

“This was an attempt to be responsive to the fans,” NHL commissioner Gary Bettman said after the meeting. “And we did it notwithstanding that this is likely to be the third year in a row with record attendance and the fact that divisional games are better attended than any others we did want to be responsive to the fans.”

On a serious note, let me just say this:
 
I am proud to be a hockey fan. Most days (DO NOT BRING UP MESSIER), I’m proud to be a Canucks fan. Lately, I have been ashamed to be a NHL fan.
 

We drafted on September 29. Over the next 3 days, several of my players got injured. So that’s 1/12 forwards, 2/4 defencemen and 1/2 goalies.

Bitch, meet Isabella. She’s gonna choke you.

ETA: Let this be a warning not to show up to a draft without your laptop, otherwise you end up drafting Dan Fucking Boyle with a severed wrist tendon and no one tells you.

2-game suspension, or 1 game for each incident.
 
Chris Pronger works the cheap and dirty. Apparently being a repeat offender and having 8 suspensions in his career isn’t enough for the league to step back and say, we should maybe re-evaluate this. Instead they said, let me dust that dirty hit off of you, Chris.
 
Fuck you, NHL. And even though the league is supposedly going to “crack down on hits to the head”, they’re apparently not going to crack down the players delivering those hits to the head.
 
Thanks again, guys, for failing the fans and the game once more. It’s just another thing to add to the list of shit incidents that occurred this year.