I let a lot of things slide as far as hockey items are concerned. Lord knows I buy enough stupid things. And some of the items in the store are things that would look kind of cool in a bar during one drunken night.

 

But there are other things. Other things.

 

Great American Products NHL Shamrock Flask

 

 

 

Completely disregarding that it kind of boggles the mind for the NHL to brand a product with a stereotype – look, a shamrock! Irish people love drinking! – it seems like poor marketing to try to sell something that’s completely unrelated to any of the 30 teams in the NHL. Unless you’re trying to market this to whatever team Pat Quinn happens to be coaching.

 

Maybe I’m missing some key information about the demographic here. Maybe there are a lot of Irish people who love hockey and throwing back a shot. But even then, are a lot of hockey fans out there scrambling to throw away their money on something with (a) a shamrock; and (b) an NHL logo? Why don’t I just sign up for my t-shirt with the NHLPA logo, too?

 

And don’t miss its sister product: the Great American Products NHL Shamrock Tankard And Shot Set.

 

34 bucks? Are you kidding me? It better come with a shot of Grey Goose if you’re expecting me to pay that much.

 

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Wincraft Vancouver Canucks 5 qt. Bucket

 

 

 

There are two reasons why this made me laugh.

 

1. It’s a bucket. Who buys a bucket with their team’s logo? The only way I could see this being even remotely useful is if it held ice and beer. Or if I were a Flames fan and wanted to take a very vindictive shit.

 

2. Until I googled it, I thought that this was a golf ball bucket. And golfing is just the thing I want to associate with my team. Again.

 

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Hunter Vancouver Canucks Fan Zone Floor Sign

 

 

What really sells this is the awesome flashing yellow light. Let that be a warning to you all!

 

If at all possible, it’s even cheesier than the Building the Dream poster the Canucks put out in 95, as the Garage was being built.
Or they complete each other.

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Dreamseats Vancouver Canucks Leather Recliner

 

 

Look, it’s kind of nice. I stress kind of. It’s the kind of furniture that you admire in someone else’s home.

 

Officially licensed NHL® Dreamseats team themed leather recliners add style and comfort to any home or establishment. Dreamseats are made with top grain dyed leather, equipped with two conveniently located cup holders, and have a ‘Wallaway’ feature that reclines just inches away from the wall.

 

Okay, Ikea this is not. I don’t know how true their claim is, but it doesn’t look stylish or comfortable to me. But I’m not a fan of leather recliner to begin with.

 

Sure the chair screams “I’m the ultimate fan!” Is it the logo? Is it the blue-and-grey with what appears to be a maroon trim, relics of the WCE years? Is it the cupholder, keeping your alcohol so conveniently within reach so you can get drunk when they blow yet another lead?

 

No, it’s the price tag. Because on sale it costs $1079.99 CAD.

 

Which by itself screams “I’m a dumbass!”

 

Its sale price can get you quite a nice little half-season ice pak and as many $8 White Spot burgers as you can keep down. For the full price of $1779.99, you can get season tickets with cash left over for parking.

 

Well, keep trying, guys. Be the little engine that could!

 

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And last, but not least, a product so stupid it needs no introduction.

 

‘Mark Messier: Leader, Champion, Legend’ DVD.